Trends I Don’t Get and Won’t Touch

Trends I Won’t Touch.

I’m noticing as I age, I’m better able to assess the rank stupidity of fashion and beauty trends. Follow along:

contour

Not even happening.

1. Face contouring. I’m not drawing various shades of brown and beige clown makeup on my face, then “blending” it in. I have 10 minutes in the morning, TOPS. The world is just going to have to deal with my sub-par, non-contoured face.

2. Armpit Hair – I’m just gonna go ahead and keep shaving my armpits, mmkay? (see also: legs)

4. Grey hair on purpose – Already got it, not on purpose.

5. Neon anything -Been there, done that, circa 1984. See: Madonna, Borderline video. The only way neon is going to be on my body anywhere is if I’m running outside at night and I don’t want to get hit by a car.

6. “Chaotic” mascara – Tammy Faye Baker? Paging Tammy Faye?

7. High-waist pants – I’ve had two children. Need I say any more? The higher the waist, the bigger your ass looks.

8. Bell-shaped sleeves. Listen, I’m a spiller. You don’t want me at your dinner party with sleeves on that can drag food and red wine all over your house. Trust me on this. I will take one for the team here and be hopelessly out of style so I can eat and drink and come home minus a cleaning bill from my host.

trends

Comfy! Not!

9. Waist Trainers – So, I thought we let those all go in the early 20th century, right around the time women achieved the right to vote. Back in the day, they were called “corsets,” and they actually contributed to the oppression of women. YOU try breathing in those things. Go ahead. I’ll just be waiting over here in my yoga pants, you know, breathing.

10. Denim overalls. Flashback to Weezer and her tomatoes in Steel Magnolias.

11. Period-stain Instagrams – I’m not ashamed of my period. Never have been. However, I don’t need to broadcast on social media that I’m in the middle of it. Nor do I need to run an entire marathon bleeding freely to make a point. I get through it, take care of business, and move on. No public documentation necessary. Note: Nor will I Instagram my hot flashes. I won’t be ashamed of those, either. Just gonna get through them and move on. Try it.

12. Thong or thong-ish underwear. Now, this is a perpetual trend that I have abandoned. I’m no longer willing to wear dental floss in my ass to avoid VPL (visible panty lines.) At 46 years old I don’t care if my panty lines show. My ass comfort is more important. If you notice my VPL, quit looking at my ass.

I am un-contoured, comfortable, hair-free, stain-free, I can breathe freely and drink my wine without adding sleeve to it. In other words, I’ve reached a point where trends that don’t fit into my life are trends I don’t follow. FREEEDDDDOMMMMMM. Try it.

Review time! Battery Pack Jump Starter. Yes, Really.

As long as we’re on the subject of cars and tech goodness for them, I was ALSO able to try and review the Cobra JumPack – a battery pack jump starter. I was really interested in this product because if you’re ever stuck on the road with a dead battery, you wouldn’t have to depend on anyone else to help you – your phone is charged and you can jump start your car by yourself.

Cobra JumPack Battery Pack Jump Starter

 

battery pack jump start

Photo: AT&T Wireless

This product appealed to me right away, largely because I’m staring at the age my teenage daughter will start to learn how to drive. Capt and I agree there are certain life skills that are absolutely necessary for our kids to have before they leave home; knowing how to jump start your car is one of them. I always carry jumper cables in my car, but the problem with that is the fact that you have to rely on someone else – frequently a stranger – to help you get your car started again in the event of a dead battery. The thought of my teenage daughter, or my currently-driving teenage nieces relying on random person in a parking lot to help them get their car started appeals to me not even a little. Not a bit. No.

I also see how Girl Child drains the battery on her phone with all her favorite apps and such. That’s one reason why we bought her a battery phone case; so she would have a battery boost in case she needed it. Because this product also charges your USB device, that is another potential problem this product solves.

We made sure we brought it with us on our recent road trip to visit my brother and his family:

battery pack jump starter

Don’t leave home without it.

What’s in the Box:

The battery unit, a car power adapter cord, jumps, and a standard USB cord for charging the battery. Sorry, iPhone users – this one is BYOC (Bring Your Own Cord) for charging your phone.

battery pack jump starter

Product specs:

  • Jump-start your car multiple times on one charge
  • 360A Peak Current
  • 2.4A USB output for rapid charging of mobile devices
  • Convenient built-in LED flashlight
  • Jumper cables included

We opened the box, charged up the main unit (required) and had no trouble powering up our devices. When we took our trip to visit my brother, I pitched this product to him, as his daughters are drivers and have their own cars. He loved the idea. See? Tech meets safety meets life skills. The Cobra JumPack battery pack jump starter is available at AT&T Wireless for $99.00.

Speaking of Life Skills:

It’s never too early to learn.

battery pack jump starter

Remember kids: negative to negative, positive to ground.

 

Thank you Andy Colley at AT&T Wireless for this fantastic product.

Teaching My Old Car New Tech Tricks

At the end of January, I attended a event hosted by AT&T Wireless all about Connected Cars. It was awesome. Afterward, I got in my old 2003 SUV and thought, “blah.” I think it’s time for my old SUV, that we call “Beastie,” to learn a few new tech tricks. Here’s what I got to learn about in the world of connected cars.

Connected Cars

Auto makers are increasingly partnering with technology and wireless companies like AT&T to make their cars connected, safer, and better. Imagine all the accidents prevented when your car corrects itself?

Car Autocorrect GIF Car EntertainmenT GIF Car Nav GIF Connected Car Growth GIF

My fellow attendees and I were also given a tour of a sweet, brand new connected Volvo. It parks itself, you guys. I must own a car that parks itself because I’m not known for my parking prowess. It comes with a hot spot, GPS, sensors all over the car so you don’t hit anything or ANYONE, cameras on the back and sides, just everything cool about new car technology. Cars are rapidly becoming rolling homes.

Sigh. I mean, LOOK:

old car new tech

Some of the awesome features of this car include being able to switch from electric, gas, and hybrid on the fly, the ability to start the car from your phone, and “off-road mode which raises the car 1.5 inches, a 360 degree camera, sensors all the way around the car that will warn you if you are in a potential collision situation, and even cross traffic alerts. It’s like your driving brain. And as I mentioned above, it can park for you, too, which, let’s face it, I NEED DESPERATELY. Volvo worked with AT&T and integrated a hot spot in this car, and it allows you to connect up to eight devices, unlimited data, for $230 a year. So much awesome. I love this car so much.

I would love to buy one, but the fact is, that gorgeous car isn’t in our budget at the moment.

So here I am in my 2003 SUV with a just-ok aftermarket stereo dreaming of a new car. Enter:

Old car new Tech: Teaching the ol’ Beastie Some new car Stuff.

Andy Colley at AT&T Wireless was kind enough to offer me a few products to try so I can tech out my old auto. One is the ZTE Mobley mobile hot spot device. You guys. I love this. The kids love this. Here’s how easy it was to install:

old car new tech

Turn your car on, let it run for about 30 seconds, and then add it through your phone’s wifi connection.

mobley8

Set up and go. It connects up to five devices. No more complaining from Boy Child that he can’t connect his wifi-only tablet while we’re out and about, and no more draining my phone by using it as a hot spot. The real test came, though, when Girl Child and I went on a road trip to visit my brother. Streaming city, baby. No dropped internet. My 80’s Spotify playlist got a workout. This is worth it. When I review products I do my best to be honest and disclose if there’s anything I’ve found not-so-awesome about it, but I had this up and going in less than five minutes and it hasn’t stopped working since. It’s a solid little piece of equipment that is perfect for road trips, long commutes, and car offices. If you want to take advantage of this cool device, AT&T is offering it for free with a 2-year commitment.

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to test these products out. It’s been fantastic. Thank you, AT&T!